Beyond Beautiful: The Importance of Feeling Sexy

I have a love-hate relationship with Social Media. Although, I enjoy scrolling through catching up on who is doing what, reading inspirational quotes, or laughing a the hilarious memes, and learning new things every day, sometimes I just feel like crap after scrolling. I’m just being honest, here I am sitting in my recliner with family size bag of Lays potato chips (Yes, I also select healthier options) scrolling through Instagram watching snatched wastes, makeup sorcery and silicone injections go whizzing by. Let me set the record strait some do it well and I can’t knock the clout hustle, but I have to ask myself the question, is this the new standard of beauty? Do I have to look like an Instagram Model to achieve my goals?

Since the beginning of time women have been self-conscious about their bodies and unhappy with their looks.  It’s no secret that society responds best and accepts the “beautiful people.”  For years women were convinced that skinny was in and dieting was America’s #1 past time.  With the emergence of the power of the “booty” introduced by Jennifer Lopez, Queen Beyoncé and Kim Kardashian, the added pressure for women has become achieving the perfect bottom.  So, instead of our obsession with dieting, we’re now focusing our attention on fat injections to make our rear ends plump like a Thanksgiving turkey.  I know that every woman wants to be beautiful, but don’t sleep on sexy.

Being sexy is more than just how you look, it’s how comfortable you feel in your own skin.  Sexy is a distinct attractiveness that emits an intoxicating air that surrounds you when you enter a room and makes people want to follow you when you leave that same room.  Being sexy is more that just a physical characteristic, sex appeal says that there is something more than just what is on the surface.  Feeling sexy is important because it means that you are confident and comfortable with your sexuality.  When a woman loses her sexy, her self-confidence diminishes and it affects how she not only interacts with the rest of the world, but how she treats herself.  I feel sexy when I’m being prepped pampered for a photo shoot. I love the makeup and wearing clothes that I wouldn’t typically wear.   I feel free and inhibited, when the photographer yells “action.”  For me sexy can be summed up in one word, “Freedom.” I  feel sexy when I’m free to be me.   If you’ve lost your sexy or you just need a spark to ignite the flame, try my top five tips to get your sexy back.

  1. Drown the blahs: Taking a nice hot bath can help you soak away the woes of the day.  Fill your tub with your favorite bath oil, light a few candles, turn on your favorite soothing tunes and relax.  Sometimes we lose our sexy when we’re stressed and anxious.  Take some time to relax your body and soul.  As the steam rises from the water, clear your mind and think peaceful serene thoughts.  Once you’ve soaked away all the foolishness that’s clouded your mind, treat your skin with your favorite body oil, slip into your sexiest lingerie and your stilettos and relax with a good book and a glass of wine.  Sometimes it’s not about being sexy for him, but for you as well.
  2. For the Love of Lingerie: Lingerie is one of the sexiest items of clothing that you will ever own. Feeling the satin and lace next to your skin is exciting. Whether it’s a satin robe, negligée, or lace bra and panties lingerie is beautiful and feminine.  Just think of how confident you’ll feel walking down the strutting down the street knowing that you’ve got a sexy secret hidden underneath your clothes.
  3.  So Intoxicating: One of the things that I find most attractive about a man is his scent.  I love a man who smells good. When you pass someone in a hallway, share an elevator for 10 seconds or have a brief moment of light banter, his or her fragrance can leave a lasting impression that lingers in your mind wishing that you knew more.  An intoxicating fragrance is sexy and alluring.  Perfume can infuse the imagination often creating a vivid story of power and sophistication. Studies show that scents can help boost your mood, reduce stress and even get you in the mood. When I want to feel sexy, I reach for a rich sophisticated fragrance that makes me feel strong and confident. My top fragrance says it all, Good Girl Gone Bad by Kilian….
  4. Paint the town Red: Red is the color of excitement; it’s associated with fire and things that are hot.  The right shade of red lipstick or lip-gloss can spice things up and make you feel like a brand new woman. A classic shade of red can turn and otherwise frumpy and plain women into a born again vixen (in a good way).  A woman who can rock red lipstick is bold, secure and comfortable with change.  In article titled the Power of Red (Lipstick), posted on, Azadeh Aalai, Ph.D. says, “…Research has reasserted a strong link between males’ perceptions of female attractiveness and red lipstick. Specifically, men are not only most drawn to a woman’s lips, but, they spend the most time (7.3 seconds) fixated on a woman’s lips when she is wearing red lipstick (as reported by the Daily Mail). Other research has similarly asserted perception of power is related to lipstick, again with red in particular.”  So paint your pout with a radiant red and strut with confidence.
  5. Where There is Smoke There is Fire: Relaxing with my favorite cigar is really number one on my list, but since women cigar smokers is still a bit of a taboo subject we’ll stay put at number five for now. You’ve seen images of celebrity women like Jennifer Lopez, Demi Moore, Aisha Tyler, Heidi Klum, and of course the poster child for bad girls, Rihanna firing up a stogie.  Typically, smoking cigars has been a symbol of power, prestige and classic grown man style.   For women, smoking cigars is a symbol of confidence, security and an authentic expression that says I’m comfortable enough in my own skin to do what the heck I want to do.  Ladies, as you begin to explore the world of cigars, it’s important to know what you like in regard to taste, size and strength. I suggest that you start out with something mild and creamy. Monte Cristo makes a great cigar for beginners. Don’t be afraid to visit your local cigar Shoppe (not your neighborhood smoke shop) to educate yourself on the art of smoking a great cigar.  Don’t feel intimidated by this male dominated pastime, men love it when a confident woman walks into a cigar shoppe and request a lesson in cigar 101.  As a women cigar smoker it’s important that you find a comfortable environment to relax and enjoy your cigar without the stares and ridicule of other women that aren’t as comfortable as you are puffing on a stogie.  If you’re like me and the stares don’t bother you, spray on your most intoxicating perfume, your best fitting jeans and t-shirt, slip into your favorite heels and hang out without a care in the world.